Maintaining Eye Contact

If there is one thing that I am still struggling to practice on, it’s maintaining the eye contact when talking to people. Back at home, I would be considered rude in fact disrespectful to gaze directly in to the eyes of an elder when talking to them or even greeting them. In some communities you were even supposed to bow your head, as sign of humility and in some you were required to bend or kneel just to avoid the direct contact with the eyes. Here in Germany I am required to do the exact opposite, look directly in to the eye of someone when greeting them and when speaking to them, a complete u-turn to what I am used to.

Just last week I had the opportunity to meet my supervisor for a discussion on an oral presentation that I am supposed to present this week. I must confess it was really hard trying to balance between the eye contact and the conversation. It is something that am not used to, yes I believe that it is rude to look away while speaking to someone but its also quiet uncomfortable staring in to someone’s eye ball, more so in Europe where the eye coloration varies. Some have blue eyes and others have green eyes, and its unfortunate our cultures are so different that what is considered a sign of respect in one society is considered utterly rude in the other.

There are only certain cases when an elder or your parents would require you to look directly in to their eyes. It is somehow synonymous to the current lie detector that most of the industrialized countries have adopted, such that you are connected to some cables in specific parts of your body such that when you answer a question it would be transmitted to a screen and based on the waves that your body generates It will be determined if you are telling the truth or not. When an adult or your parent thought that you were not being honest, he or she would require you to look at the eyes and answer to his/her question, its like the eyes would be piercing directly through your heart to decipher whether you are honest or lying. And if you managed to answer while looking in to the eyes then somehow you would be free, if you were lying then you would shamelessly bow your head unable to respond.

However, the current generation has almost adapted to everything, I see young boys and girls back at home staring directly in to their parents eyes and answering back without even fidgeting, in fact its now the parents who are forced to bow their head in shame and sadness unable to put up with such a behavior. Unable to look straight in to people’s eyes can also be considered a sign of weakness or shall I say shyness. Anyway, call it whatever you like, just don’t judge me if I don’t maintain the contact while talking to you, its not that am rude its just that that’s the way I was brought up, I will try to adapt to the trend here but trust me it isn’t easy as you think!