I’m up at 5:00am writing these lines due to a wonderful jet-lag. I have been back in Ottawa for a whole day now and the desire of being a couch potato is creeping back. Also, I’m very sorry that I didn’t write a post before I left Germany as promised. It’s terrible that I have trouble keeping promises, my sincere apologies!
My last week in Jülich has been very eventful. On Wednesday, I proudly presented my work on the influence of biochar (a type of black carbon) on the biodegradation of atrazine in soils to an audience of a dozen researchers and got very good feedback from them. I think the fact that I was genuinely interested in the overall purpose of my research really helped me in delivering something good. Following the discussions of the results, I had a weird epiphany. I suddenly proud of being working in science, seeing everyone exchanging ideas and brainstorming together, once in a while adding my own views and thinking of in what ways the study could be improved. It was a very nice and supportive environment and I thought that perhaps not all is lost for me in science after all.
On Friday, the supervisor of our lab group invited us to his house for dinner to celebrate the end of my work term in Germany and also that of another Ph.D. student who will be returning to Brazil. It was quite an honour to be invited into a real German home for dinner. The hosts were so hospitable and attentive, and it felt great to give these three months in the country some kind of closure. I feel like the Germans are very good hosts; all evening, our supervisor and his wife were running around serving the guests food and pouring drinks for everyone, while the rest of us had our butts glued to our seats and chatted away.
Looking back, I learned a lot during this stunt of half a year in Europe. I was at a roadblock in terms of knowing what I really wanted to do with my life and I am so glad that I got the break I needed to “figure it out”, sort of. For one, I’m not too crazy about working in research in the future, but I am so glad that I was chosen for this DAAD internship in environmental chemistry because it made me realize how passionate I am about this issue and that I still want to work in the environment sector. As for where I want to live in the future, it would be easy to say: “I want to return to Germany!” because it is such a beautiful and functional place with the most disciplined and self-correcting people that I have ever known, but I think it’s important not to confuse feelings about a place and the feelings with a place. The difficulty is to piece together all the feelings you want, for some it would be success and sense of accomplishment, for others comfort in a nurturing home although there doesn’t have be a contradiction… The point is, once you know what you want and don’t want, you’ll be on the right path towards something great no matter where you are or what you do.
I have discovered that writing should remain a hobby of mine and that I will keep on writing about my development, both in a personal journal and online. The bloggers on this blog all write so well, all of them with different styles and that really inspires me to get better by reading more, writing more, exploring new styles and becoming more conscious of the power of words. Also, I loved the challenge of writing for this blog. I can’t speak for others but it was indeed challenging for me because I tend to poison my writing with the question: “what do people want to read about?” which produced many mental blocks, although it was always at the back of my mind that people really don’t care if you ask yourself that question so it is always better to write with heart, simply.
Today I will be returning to Montreal to hunt for an apartment for my last undergraduate year in university, somewhere close to school, just in case I become fully anti-social as this school year looks pretty tough. Just last night, I discovered the comedic videos of Jon Lajoie on Youtube, most of which were filmed in Montreal during the winter, and that made me strangely nostalgic. It was strange because Montreal winters are not particularly inviting and one of the reasons I wanted to leave it for France in the first place.
Right after I departed from Paris and met up with a friend from Canada who was traveling in Europe, she commented that I spoke English with a HUGE French accent. Somehow, I fully invite that happening again and hope that I will always carry a little piece of this experience in Germany with me, but I mustn’t worry about that as it is inevitable. Thanks for reading, it had been a pleasure sharing my world with you and I would be very glad to help if you have any questions about studying abroad, working in Germany, traveling around, “figuring it out” or anything else that might be important to you.
Love and peace,
Fanyi





















My name is Fanyi (pronounced Fa-nee) Meng, a third year student at McGill University in Montreal, Quebec.