Mirrors

Maybe, you know, maybe I do believe in destiny. In destiny as in something huge and great and powerful and non-existant that merely exists because it gives me hope. It was all a question of waiting you know? Time’s over, space does not exist any more. Maybe I was actually supposed to care about it, to cry without it, to go away. I am tired of people who go away, even worse if the end’s a begining, always the same story. I only looked back once.

Always the same story. I think it’s a protection strategy see? Like I go away before anyone else has the opportunity to do so leaving me here, suitcase on the floor, straight up, ears waiting, mouth shut. Always trying to pretend, that I don’t care. That I didn’t care about the ones that went away, that I am ok with myself for myself and within and without and at myself and so on. Well I do care.

Well I do care. I do care that you, and you, and you, and you go away. Tired of having to start from scratch and even feeling the need to pretend that it is all fine cos, you know, feeling the need to pretend to be happy is all we do. Oh yes, I’m happy, everything alright with me, what kind of today’s world citizen would I be if I were not happy, or pretended to be so?

I pretend to be happy. And, in doing so, I might convince myself that I am. A static hole in the middle of chaos, of people running, coming and leaving and not even looking at me cos, oh well, I was not that important in the end, and they didn’t have time. Time. To look into space and see the chaos I had organized, in my inner self, cos other’s won’t notize. She’s strong they’ll say, she knows how to deal with it. She’s used to everyone leaving and to having to make the effort once and again.
She doesn’t care. She’s strong.

She’s strong. Well I’m not. I’m not and I feel like I need to go away anytime someone does. I mean someone that matters, not that many anyway. Like it makes no more sense to stay because, you know, a certain place is not the same without the people who founded it, when you first arrived here. Staying, mind you, is not that easy. But I’ve learned my lesson. You leaving? Well then line up, don’t you dare come too close or I’ll bite you, I’m not interested in you and you should know. Stupid strategy.

If you build up a crystal wall between you and those in front of you, remember not to look too often mesmerized at the sight of it, not that it turns into a mirror and you end up seeing nothing but yourself. There will always be someone coming from behind to touch you on your left elbow.

And you know.